THE BIG IDEA

No more tears

If slicing onions has you sobbing like those Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials, science has a cure for your crying eyes.

After a mere two decades of R&D, scientists have developed onions that won't make you cry when you chop them, per The Times.

So, put away those onion goggles, pot lids, unlit matches, and bread slices.

Blinding me with science, not onions

Known as Smile Balls — an on-the-nose name that sounds like how you'd describe something after anesthesia — the tearless onions were first cultivated in Hokkaido, Japan.

• In 2002, scientists identified lachrymatory-factor synthase, an enzyme released when an onion is cut, leading to a chain reaction that makes our eyes water.
  
  
• Researchers blocked the tear-inducing enzyme by blasting the onions with heavy ion beams. Heavy.
  
  
• The result is a tearless, sweet onion that supposedly doesn't cause bad breath (promises, promises), and tastes like an apple when eaten raw. Yum.
  
  
• Smile Balls sell in Japan for roughly $2 each, and are projected to increase fivefold in sales over the next three years.
  
  
• Smartly rebranded as Goldies in the US, they're currently grown in Washington and distributed across the country.

Onions? More like Funyuns! 

Smile Balls/Goldies aren't the only cheerfully named onions designed to keep you from crying over dinner (at least not because of the onions).

• Smileys, developed through 30 years (!) of crossbreeding, are sweeter than yellow onions and become milder over time.
  
  
• Sunions, developed through crossbreeding, claim to be America's first tearless onion. Some say they're mellow and sweet, others say, "almost flavorless." 
  
  
• Sweetie Tearless onions are organically grown by Peri & Sons Farms in Nevada.
  
  
• And in Australia, Happy Chop onions are keeping eyes dry.

Tired of weeping over the cutting board? You've got options

Keep in mind, most of the tearless onions are sweet, which is great if you're cranking out blooming onions or French onion soup (in which case, can we come over?). Or eating them raw. Yikes.

But if you're looking for that classic aromatic depth, maybe just endure a brief tear-inducing onion-slicing session. (Just throw the onion in the fridge before cutting it.)

🔗

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

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NEWSWORTHY NUMBER

Circulation size of Dogue, a parody dog-fashion magazine launched in 2019 by Olga Portnaya. Despite being sold at just one newsstand in LA and having existed without issue for several years, Vogue publisher Conde Nast is now suing the one-woman operation for trademark infringement, demanding unspecified compensation and the destruction of all existing copies, per The New York Times. Why?

Vogue wants to steal the idea and capitalize on canine cuteness for itself. In 2024, the legacy media brand launched its own dog-centric fashion magazine of the same name, sending Portnaya a cease-and-desist letter not long after. Now, Portnaya is raising funds to cover her legal expenses, with a trademark application for the “Dogue” brand pending approval.

HOW YOU HUSTLE

We serve ambitious people, and you all serve us right back, dazzling us with the form your ambition takes. Here’s another reader-grown venture:

Who: Sonja Rincón

What: Menotracker

The elevator pitch: “Menotracker is an AI-powered menopause app that transforms symptoms into personalized insights.”

The problem they’re solving: “58% of medical textbooks worldwide contain no reference to menopause, and 52% of GPs report inadequate training on the subject. Women experiencing perimenopausal symptoms are routinely dismissed as 'too young' or told they're 'imagining' their conditions. Meanwhile, existing tracking apps function more as data collection tools than sources of actionable insight. I wanted to build something that actually helps women understand what their symptoms mean.”

One truly innovative thing they’re doing: “We've partnered with ConsentKeys, a privacy technology company, to create privacy-first authentication… ConsentKeys gives you a fake identity for each app you use — so even if we're hacked, stolen data contains only dummy information that can't be traced to real people. It's the most comprehensive privacy protection in femtech.”

What are you working on? Tell us here.

AROUND THE WEB

📅  On this day: In 2001, Icelandic musician Björk wore her now iconic swan dress to the Oscars, where she was nominated for Best Original Song.

🚀  That’s interesting: Why founders might want to launch their idea again, even three times.

👀  That’s cool: Compound Interest, the new video podcast from Semafor Business, pairs journalists Liz Hoffman and Rohan Goswami with the operators, experts, and innovators behind the world’s most consequential companies.

🧩  Game: Like NYT’s Connections, but easier.

😍  Aww: Hi, there. 

SHOWER THOUGHT

With neural implants, we are probably close to a "Sleep Now" switch for the human brain. SOURCE

Today's email was brought to you by Juliet Bennett Rylah, Danny Jensen, and Singdhi Sokpo.

 Editing by: Sara "Crybaby" Friedman.

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